PLEBISCITE


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HIGH FIVE

top five excuses

5. My parents are in town
4. I feel nauseous
3. I have to babysit
2. The A-Team is on TV
1. Actually, I don't like you

My mom and dad came to visit for Christmas. It was rad — plate-loads of shortbread cookies, a big turkey stuffed to the fowl-ass with fixings, and stockings loaded up with Purdy's chocolate and Archie comics. On the 26th, my moms and lil' bro went shopping, and to fill the conversational void left by the two chirpiest members of our immediate family, I played some records for my dad and discussed their merits with him.
— José Avelino Gilles Corbett Lourenço

Fab-esque Four

Just say no

Fuck the police

Fado never brought all the boys to the yard

Fruity rad

Hooty who?

The answer is 'nothing'

That's the candy daddy likes

Not so necessary

1. The Shins - Chutes Too Narrow
José: What do you think, dad? They sound kind of like The Beatles on some tracks.
Dad: You know what's my favorite Beatles album?
J: Rubber Soul.
D: My favorite is Rubber Soul. That's a great album. [Begins singing "Michelle"]
J: That's a good one, alright.

2. Ryan Adams - Heartbreaker
D: This song has a good beat. But you know, I don't like that talking at the beginning.
J: Well, it's on separate track, so-
D: Wait. What did he say?
J: What do you mean?
D: This song is no good. It's about drugs. It's not for me.
J: "Michelle" was about drugs.
D: Don't be foolish.

3. LCD Soundsystem - Losing My Edge
D: You call this music?
J: The production is-
D: This sounds like that rap shit. "I've got a gun / I've got to run / from police / ohhhhh!"
J: [Laughing]
D: What's next?

4. Kelis - Tasty
D: [Incredulous chuckling] You've got to be kidding me.
J: Wait a sec. Just listen.
D: She has a nice voice. It's too bad this isn't music. Why don't you put on that fado singer? You know the one?
J: No.

5. Sufjan Stevens - Michigan
D: This guy's kind of fruity, isn't he?
J: This record's rad. Listen: It's like that Vince Guaraldi Charlie Brown stuff mixed with trumpets and xylophones.
D: That's what I said, didn't I? Fruity.
J: [Pauses to listen to "Detroit, Lift Up Your Weary Head"] I like how it sounds like music for a 1960s educational video about highway construction, and the highway's role in urban sprawl.
D: [Glances up from the muted Manchester United vs. Everton match] Fruity.

6. Missy Elliot - This Is Not A Test!
D: Come on, son.

7. Liars - They Threw Us All In A Trench And Stuck A Monument On Top
D: The singer can't sing, they can't play their instruments and it's mostly noise. What's good about it?
J: Well-
D: Do you want me to tell you the answer?
J: They've got interesting songs with energetic-
D: The answer is "nothing."

8. Coldplay - A Rush Of Blood To The Head
D: Now this is a good CD!
J: I was playing this one as a joke.
D: Well the joke's on you — this is a nice one. What's it called?
J: Here. You can keep it.
D: You're sure?
J: I'm sure.

9. Jay-Z - The Black Album
D: [Leaves the room]
J: Where my troopers at?

José Sr.'s advice for his son José Jr.'s band: "All you guys need is a new singer." José Jr. is the current singer.